Over the past several months, I’ve faced several personal challenges that left me feeling remarkably depressed. Despite being fully vaccinated, I contracted Covid-19, and was stricken with the full gamut of symptomology associated with it. Headache, high fever, extreme fatigue, sore throat, congestion, and complete loss of taste and smell defined my life for a week straight. It took a full month for me to recover my regular level of energy, and taste and smell still aren’t quite where they were prior.

During this first week of bedridden misery, brain fog, and isolation, our beloved cat of several years began experiencing an episode of feline diabetic ketoacidosis. After having been on insulin for the past two years, it was clear in a matter of days, that this would most likely be the end – and with great sadness we let our faithful friend go, after it was decided that nothing else could be done for him.

As you could probably imagine, this episode of life for myself and my family was an epic bummer. During this whole unfortunate, sordid series of events, I wasn’t able to pull myself out of the darkness on my own power. I found myself deeply saddened, angry, and to a certain degree filled with self-pity on an almost hourly basis. To say that it was a challenge to get through would be an understatement.

Struggle, sadness, disappointment, regret, and pain will at some point afflict all of us. And sometimes, when these life events just endlessly seem to crash down with no regard for how you might feel about them – the envelopment of resentment and self-pity can be all encompassing.

That’s where I was this July. Finding it hard to feel happy or positive about anything. Through it all though, was an undercurrent, an edgy, nagging thought at the corner of my mind that pushed me toward a place where I needed to be.

Gratitude. Hopefulness. Faith. A single spark igniting, urging me to hold on – to carry on no matter what my circumstances may be.

Despite all of these hardships, I was still breathing. Literally and figuratively. My 0₂ level never dropped. All around me in this crazy, unpredictable world others were struggling too: and often times more so than I was in those moments. And while my feelings were valid, while my pain was real; I was not, and am not, the center of the universe. My struggle was but a single microcosm among the vast galaxies of humanity.

I think now upon those among us who’ve lost family members to Covid-19. I think about my brothers and sisters whose lives are still hindered, destroyed even by the chains of addiction. I think about people who feel so hopeless about their lives that they consider ending them just to escape. I think about the days in which we live now; how easy it is to become disconnected, isolated; and how detrimental that is to recovery. I think about how for myself, at one point in time – crippling addiction was the only state of being that felt familiar. This season reminded me of those times; anxious, gnawing reality that could only be quieted through a chemical solution.

Covid-19 sucks. It was miserable. Of course I miss my feline friend. But despite these circumstances, despite not quite being able to see it in the moments of weakness, I’m now attempting to actively live in gratitude. I’m reminded of the story of Job, the insurmountable obstacles that we face, the tragedies, the hardships, the misery and failure – and the experience of enduring those things in faith. In trust. It was only through a relationship with a power greater than myself that I was able to see my life in a positive way; to walk through the trying times, with a strong reliance on His servants, whom He spoke through, and worked through, to guide me into better days. I think about how incredibly blessed I am to have found the freedom, that no matter how dismal my situations may become – my first thought is no longer to intoxicate myself with substances to escape.

God is bigger than illness. He is bigger than grief. He is bigger than depression, addiction, and everything else in this finite world we live in. I firmly believe that our greatest mission, our most imperative directive is to make others aware of this, through demonstrations of faith. Through service to our brothers and sisters, especially those amongst us who are struggling the most.

To be a light amidst the darkness of the current times, there does not exist a more honorable thing.

Stay safe. Let go of the BS. Love each other. Lift each other up. Be encouraging. Peace be with you.

God Bless,

Sean – In Recovery

You can read, comment and ask questions for Sean to address in his blog on the PAL website, home page – www.Palgroup.org