My husband and a share a blended family of nine children and 11 grandchildren. My oldest three each struggle with addiction and its impact.

My oldest son is a sweetheart and always puts others before himself. In one moment, however, he made a very bad choice that changed our lives forever, and he is currently serving a lengthy prison sentence. The one positive side of that is he has been sober since he began his incarceration in 2016.

My second son has a big heart for others, but he was the first one to become addicted. He started with marijuana as a teenager, moved on to meth and has been struggling with addiction for more than 10 years. He was also in prison and relapsed since his release six months ago. Yes, two of my sons were in prison at the same time.

My oldest daughter is strong and bold with a beautiful voice, but she has been homeless and addicted for the last 3 1/2 years. Two years ago, she gave birth to a 33-week-old stillborn baby girl, and last year she suffered a nearly fatal overdose – both times she went right back to the streets.

As I struggled to deal with these three children I loved so much, I tried basically everything PAL teaches us not to do! I rushed in to rescue them, I enabled them, I looked for them when I hadn’t seen or heard from them for a few days, never allowing them to go through the consequences of their choices. I continued to do things for them they could have done for themselves, and even downplayed what was really going on to my other children.

My husband and I found PAL through some friends who have a marriage ministry in their church. It was five years ago when my oldest son got arrested. We knew the whole situation could easily destroy our marriage and our family, so we sought counsel from friends outside of our church.  They told us about PAL, and we’ve been faithfully attending ever since.

Once we started attending PAL, I learned how misguided my actions had been. I have gained invaluable knowledge about addiction which helps me immensely when dealing with my children. I’ve learned the valuable lesson of having boundaries and not allowing others to cross them for any reason. I’ve also learned how to make decisions based on facts and not my emotions which has been a huge game changer.

The PAL principle about “accepting their resistance to change” has been a huge one for me. Because I can accept this, I can love them where they are and not try and manipulate them to change. I understand that if I try and help them or do things for them that they could do themselves, I am just crippling their ability to do it on their own. Accepting this principle also gives me hope for their future instead of focusing on what I think they should be doing now.

Interestingly enough, my addicted children encourage and respect the fact that I’m getting help for myself, for them and for our family by going to PAL.

My husband and I also love being an encouragement to new parents who have just found PAL or are just finding out that their child is addicted.

Today, my oldest son is doing well. We communicate regularly through phone calls and video visits and will resume in-person visitation when we’re able to. He is learning how to cope with incarceration and be away from his family but is hopeful for the future.

My second son is going from job to job and working on his court fines and other responsibilities. He doesn’t want to go to rehab at this point and thinks he can control his use of drugs on his own.

My daughter isn’t interested in rehab, is homeless and may be in custody soon.

I’m grateful that all of my children love God with all their hearts, and I know they will find their way back to Him.

As for me, I am hopeful and pray for them daily. I don’t react out of my emotions. I’m working on letting go of the hurt and allowing God to heal my heart. And thanks to PAL, I’m focusing on my heart and mind so I don’t harbor any feelings or thoughts of disappointment or anger so I can be there with my whole heart when they are ready for change.

PAL Mom